Aaji: A Force to be Reckoned With

 

Omnipresent individual ‘Death’ stood at the door in our house in Dockyard in latter part of 2006 demanding ransom for a soul. We gave some part of her mind then to appease this individual. Over the decades that followed, ‘Death’ followed her and paid her a visit to take back some part of her. Yet, her magnanimous soul never refused anyone including ‘Death’. Her mind and her connect with people intrinsically created a safe space for people that even ‘Death’  kept visiting or speaking to her periodically. The smile on her face would have melted the most dreaded one- ‘Death’. Now as ‘Death’ is taking her to her heavenly abode, I have managed to keep some part of her in my memories and my personality.

(L-R): Kaka, Ajoba, Young Tai, Ashok dada and Aaji

Born in the 1930s, Laxmibai (we fondly called her ‘Aaji’) was the middle sibling of 3 children. Having lost her parents very early in her life, Aaji was raised by her maternal uncle and aunty in our native place called Karwar. She narrated her stories of her childhood with a lot of fondness. ‘Mama che ghar’ was a bustling place with animals and small kids. Nalu aaji, Tulsa aaji, Sudhir ajoba and many more were her constant companions. As age progressed, she got married and had my father and uncle. Having settled in Belgaum for quite some time, she would recount stories of Gondhali galli and Chavat galli. She was in the generation that cooked food every day. Can you imagine that these ladies cooked all the food for the entire marriage company. Gives me goosebumps about that mammoth effort one would take. Don’t be fooled by her size. She probably has walked a distance equivalent to distance between Sun and the earth. I recall her telling me very casually about walking till Mazali beach in Karwar or from Mulund to Thane with passable accuracy of direction. Even in her 90s, she would have done 5-6k steps without the support of today’s Garmin or step calculators actively promoting the importance of active life. Coming from a humble background, Aaji would juggle her tasks, ensure the wellness of her people and still maintain connections with people around her.

What took me by surprise was the sheer quantum of connections she maintained. Contrary to our attitudes in Mumbai, Aaji had this insane ability to connect from the oldest person to the smallest kid in the vicinity. My childhood friends remember her fondly for her smile and kind words she spoke. I remember I had bought a mobile phone for her some time back, the number of calls she had in a day were mind boggling. For a generation which would complete 100 years, she had daily conversation with acquaintances and friends and family members. Always, curious to hear about the well-being of the opposite person, Aaji always made it a point to smile. That positive ‘smile’ was also her last expression before she left.

Catch up with Rajesh Kaka, Bablu Aatya and Anuja

Only towering as high as 5 feet, she was a pillar of positivity. ‘Tu kartalo, maka khatri asa’ were the soothing words she always echoed when I was at my lowest. Never an iota of doubt in our abilities, Aaji encouraged me and my sister to face challenges and win over them.  

Barely educated herself, Aaji’s reading prowess was unparalleled. I choose to believe that somewhere she is responsible for Tai’s and my reading habits. Her importance of education for my cousins was deeply rooted in the fact that she did not get the opportunity. The initial seeding of doing well academically was through her encouraging words. Low marks never deterred her confidence in us.

With working parents and no access to today’s modern creches, Aaji took care of my sister and me as a mother. Made food for us, spoke to us, took care of us in health and sickness, spoiled us with yummy food. Ketaki and I still jokingly reminisce the royal treatment I got in my childhood all courtesy to Aaji. My clothes neatly arranged, my favorite food cooked, sometimes even bathed to get all the dirt out from constant playing. Everything needed to spoil me as a kid was done by Aaji. Yet it never spoiled us because she constantly guided us to do well in our life.  She was a shield for us when Mom dad got angry at us. She ensured we spoke in my mother tongue of Konkani which still helps us when we connect with relatives. I remember being cozy at nights with blankets stitched by her from her old sarees. I will miss her taking care of me. She always made it a point to find goodness in people and appreciate it. She regularly enquired about my cousins and their careers and things happening in their lives. Any small, good news would be amplified with her smile and constant words of praise. She never ever failed to lift the spirits of the younger generation with strong encouraging words.

Encouraging a generation of grandchildren

Aaji was one of the smartest minds that I have ever seen in my life. Unlike the conventional method of equating smartness with academic brilliance or materialistic success, Aaji’s mind was an encyclopedia of home science information and that boasted a strong memory. She always remained the go- to person for excavating the minute details that would slip a common mind. Her sense of observation was spot on. Her stories of her childhood created an awe for me. It revolved around old ways of living- dates of different jatras across Karwar, an age without technology that depended on people’s wits and not just machines, a timeline where conversations with people were an important aspect of life, community living was the only way of living. She would be spot on with birthdays of people and lighting up the family tree through just sheer memory and sporadic conversations.

The attention to detail was impressive. My first encounter with the term ‘obsessive compulsive disorder-OCD’ was with her compulsive need of having things clean and organized. In fact, no one was allowed to sit on her bed which would create creases and micrograms of dirt. The only exception being me. I choose to believe that I was the only person to invade that OCD without reprimand. She fondly told me about the story the day I was born. She never worked professionally but earned a lot of goodwill in her life.

 

As I look at her room, I will miss her assuring smile. I will miss her life lessons. I will miss the comfort she gave with her words. I will miss her never ending praises for my achievements. I will miss her warmth that she gave everyone. As we bid farewell to her, I imagine she is sitting with her sibling (Nalu aaji) and her old friends chatting away and having a great time. Goodness always leaves a mark. As tears make my vision blurred, her memory and her guidance will remain clear as crystal for me. Her fighting spirit will continue to be the torch that will illuminate my path of life.

Laxmibai Yerandekar: A force to be reckoned with!!